Friday, December 18, 2020

A Week Before Christmas

I've hit a bit of a wall today, to much of which has been spent wandering around my flat looking for biscuits like it's the 27th of December rather than the 18th. I'm heading back to my mother's tomorrow - she's recovering from a hip replacement and is currently less mobile than she was when I left added to which the dog has sustained an injury (a bad tear to her ear which became infected) and is not handling the cone collar at all well. It makes her panic, so help is needed on all fronts.

Logically I know that all I've done whilst I'm back home is go to the post office, pick up prescriptions, and have one quick browse around a quiet Waterstones all of which I'd have done anyway, but current news coverage is having me second guess myself at every turn and I'm wondering how everybody else is coping at the moment?

We're past the point of considering if the Government's policy for Christmas was misguided or not, but I'm thoroughly fed up with the current debate (don't lift restrictions at all v it would be inhuman to keep people apart). Very few of us will be having what we think of as a normal Christmas - even if we normally spend the day alone there's the whole build up, and a host of traditions that are not fit for purpose this year. The idea that it's a simple thing, even if hard, to cancel plans is unfair. Everybody's circumstances are different, and the endless judgement of 2020 ha been one of it's least appealing features.

Spending the last couple of months in the country was a bit of a revelation about how people behave as well. My building has been quite rule compliant - with a couple of spectacular exceptions in the summer I've certainly not been aware of neighbours breaking the rules, and when the students came back their behaviour was notably modified. From my mothers window it was clear that there was a lot more casual rule breaking around her, and even people having dinner parties during lockdown. It does not surprise me that 1 in 5 have admitted to breaking the rules about going into peoples houses, it wouldn't be surprised if the actual number was higher, and this is the crux of the Christmas debate, and the thing that isn't really being discussed. There are to many people who will simply carry on regardless.

All of it has been the final mood killer, so now I'm trying to focus on boxing day and beyond. I have a lot of good books, a new 1000 piece jigsaw of Botticelli's 'Birth of Venus' (£7 bargain from The Works back in October) some festive chocolate, a stash of good biscuits that I resisted earlier, and coffee to go with them, as well as some serious knitting plans - and renewed attempts to find a job to look forward too. There are some fun things being arranged via Twitter (I'm mostly thinking of the Georgette Heyer Readalong, but it's not the only thing I've bookmarked), I'm saving podcasts and am thinking of re listening to some of my favourite Backlisted episodes, and lots of other small acts of what I'm afraid I'm going to have to term self care. 

The biggest of these will be helping mum for as long as she'll let me. Having her and the dogs company is a massive boost which I'll be making the most of whilst I can, and whilst she needs me. I hope everybody reading this has got their own program of little things to look forward to in what is otherwise promising to be a fairly miserable winter.

10 comments:

  1. I have been collecting a few books to read over the holidays and am looking forward to reading them. Thinking of embarking on a more ambitious baking project. And there will be jigsaw puzzles and knitting too!

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    1. I’d like bigger things to look forward to, but at least we’ve got the small stuff, and it does help.

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  2. Arty jigsaw puzzles have been my go to for calming and concentrating on something fun for months. I have my daughter back from uni, but it's just us two for Christmas, the rest of my lot are bubbled up with each other and I wouldn't want to impose. Makes me feel virtuous but left out, however I'd much rather be safe than sorry. I hope you manage to stay sane with your mum and the dog, and send all my best wishes.

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    1. We’re staying in our small family bubble which has been based around helping mum since her op, and been very careful about isolating as much as possible from others. There have been some difficult decisions but it could be a lot worse. I do wish decisions had been made about this entirely predictable mess weeks ago though, before Christmas became a beacon in the dark. Jigsaw puzzles are my big January treat, I’m pleased with this years find!

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  3. Aww sweetie. I don't have the Big Things going on that you do but I have a lot of similar feelings. I've been wondering if this low-light part of the year combined with home isolation is starting to affect me. If so, you're right, we ARE in for a long winter.

    I have also been super nervous about seeing my dad around Christmas even though I have been nowhere and we have a 7-day break period between my daughter getting out of school and when he is coming to visit. For his part, he hasn't seen another human being since Thanksgiving so it's getting critical for him to get out.

    In terms of self-soothing, yesterday I bought myself a Shelf Subscription from a favorite bookstore, which I love doing but they're rather expensive (full price hardback cost for 3 months). A little surprise to come in the mail over the winter. Hope the books don't suck :)

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    1. I think COVID is a big enough thing for all of us, and every family comes with responsibilities. I also think it’s healthy to admit that sometimes it’s hard. The Shelf Subscription sounds like a wonderful idea. My version is a journal subscription, it’s always so exciting to get through the post. I really hope the winter doesn’t feel to long to you. We will get through this!

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  4. I am glad you are returning to your mum's , especially after tonight's news. It all seems very hard at the moment, but, like you, I have an arsenal of things to help me through: jigsaw, lots of lovely reading and am going to learn to knit a jumper! Take care and sending much love xxx

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    1. Learning to knit a jumper and socks are my New Years resolution! I’m back with mum now which is absolutely the right thing to do for her, and for me, so I’m no longer feeling even slightly guilty/unsure about what I should do under the current circumstances. The dog went nuts when she saw me, and again when she realised I was staying - very flattering. It is hard right now, for all of us, fingers crossed that the vaccine makes a difference by the end of winter.

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    2. I have watched your knitting progress on here and can't imagine ever making anything as beautiful! I shall look forward to seeing your garments and will give it my best shot. How wonderful that the dog reacted with such joy!Such things make all the difference.

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    3. I've found knitting really helpful for dealing with loneliness especially this year, and stress all the time. It's creative and productive which ticks a lot of boxes for me. Anything creative is helpful, it used to be baking, but that's not ideal when you can't share the results, and if I'm making something useful I don't feel that I'm wasting time, or that it's dragging by. I've been able to knit when I couldn't concentrate on reading thanks to the dire news and the excess of emotions it brings. I love the Shetland traditions of lace and Fair Isle because you can quickly progress to things that are simple but really attractive - wristlets, hats, cowls and the like being my favourites.

      The dog is a gem. She has exercised a stone off of me (we've walked almost 200 miles together in the last couple of months) got me out in all weathers and shown me there are things to appreciate in them, is excellent company, insists I play stupid games with her when I'm feeling despondent, and is so upliftingly pleased to see me whenever I come back through the door - even if I've only been to empty the bin. It makes the mud, hair, and soggy tennis balls feel like a small price.

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