Is the current status of my cheque book for the account with the money to pay my flats service charge in it. As far as I can remember I last saw it about eighteen months ago – after thinking about it for two days it’s possible that I used the last cheque on that occasion and never got a new book, but I haven’t found the stub either so it’s still lost even if it’s empty. I don’t think anything sinister has happened to it, but that yet again I’ve misplaced it which will mean some fiddling about with cash to put into the account that I can find a cheque book for at an hour in the morning when I’m vulnerable to being hustled into an ‘account review’.
The things I did manage to find have made me realise it’s time for a full scale clear out when I get the chance. Examples include a lot of dust, a box of Lego and ancient but unused Estee Lauder eye shadows (why are they together), a copy of my dissertation, a novelty condom from a very small gin brand (they had a thing about hats and did their own marketing), many, many bits for phones I no longer possess. There were several books far from their proper homes, lots of odd socks and a few odd gloves, some cassette tapes (I can’t remember when I last had a cassette player but it has to be a decade ago) a lot of hoover bags which is a reminder (as if the dust wasn’t enough) that after my hoover caught fire two years ago I should have done something about replacing it. I have contracts for jobs with companies that no longer exist, a frightening quantity of notebooks all half full of very old to do lists, and a quantity of gold leaf. Very many unidentifiable scent samples, a lot of mugs (clean I hasten to add) several Christmas cards in addressed envelopes which I clearly meant to send (but not last year), and useful after all that a few packs of ibuprofen.
All of this in places where a cheque book might reasonably expect to be found – a tidy up will involve some serious excavation of locked chests and the airing cupboard (where I know there are more mugs and a lot more crap). In the face of all this evidence and despite what my friends may think they know I’m generally quite organised, I normally know exactly where things are, never miss payments or trains, I found nothing I couldn’t identify but which may once have been edible, or any dead spiders (no live ones either thank god). I feel quite uncomfortable when I can’t locate something but it seems that over the last year the things around me are taking over in an unprecedented way. The cheque book is most likely jammed between (or worse inside) books; it could be years before I stumble across it and the books are by far the most controlled element (shoes and clothes are the most chaotic). I know what needs to be done, I lack the will to do it, wish me luck!